Dan Weil on the far left
New feature alert! The inaugural “Tennis Character” profile is about Dan C. Weil. At random, unscheduled times we will showcase to you a unique, odd or eccentric tennis player, enjoy!
By Scoop Malinowski
Tennis is known for it’s whimsical characters, after all it takes a unique person to devote hours, months and in some cases years of our lives to chasing and bopping a little yellow ball.
One of the more eccentric characters I’ve ever encountered is Dan Weil. He’s a good friend and a good player too. Of course he’s lefty, he sort of plays like Michael Llodra, the net rushing Frenchman.
But what most stands out about Dan are is Danweilisms… the sayings and phrases he uses during play.
If you hit a ball beyond the line, Dan will remark, “Out of boundaries!”
Or: “Beyond the affixed white caulking.”
Before the beginning of a point, Dan will announce: “Competition shall commence upon the first ball struck!”
Or: “Competition shall commence upon the first ball to land within the demarcated boundaries!”
Sometimes Dan can go Rambo too: “Let’s get ready to rumble!”
If there’s a let, leave it to Dan to clarify the situation: “First service attempt shall be forthcoming!”
Oh, and after a sloppy unforced error, Dan doesn’t use the typical expression of frustration, he has his own unique supply of words to convey his disgust. Like, instead of dropping the all-too-convenient F-bomb, Dan will shout: “Fiddle faddle!”
“Fiddle sticks!”
“Fudge nut ripple!”
“Farfrignuggen!”
“Shuttlecock!”
“Oopsie!”
But once in a while Dan’ll slip like the rest of us hacking mediocrities: “Oh shit!”
“That’s a winner!”
That’s not all. Dan has one more new phrase he’s getting ready for his rotation, soon to be deployed in honor of Tommy Haas/Chris Fowler: “Nein Tommy!!”
Ah Dan Weil, the one and only Dan Weil. The man who once played a pro-am drill with Ivan Lendl and while at the net had to repel an onslaught of volleys targeted precisely at his left hip by Lendl.
When Dan questioned why so many balls were going exactly to the awkward area, Lendl responded, “You’re lucky I’m not hitting them to your left something else.”
Dan Markowitz · August 20, 2018 at 7:30 pm
Dan Weil, a classic, a gentleman and a truly funny witty man.
FakeRoger Federer · August 22, 2018 at 1:12 pm
Ah yes, the illustrious Dan Weil. A lefty who plays like a righty. A tally that plays like a shorty. He has text-book, picture-perfect, McEnroe-esque volleys…if only he could execute them more than 20% of the time!
Oh Dan Weil, fiddle sticks, farfrignuggen, shuttlecock and fudge nut ripple; while your level of play can be a little shaky (from lack of play due to finding a new love in ultimate frisbee) at least your witticisms are 6.0!
Scoop Malinowski · August 22, 2018 at 9:15 pm
Maybe the USTA needs to hire Dan as a consultant to help juniors verbalize their frustrations and anger after poor play. Dan’s methods could catch on and if they can be executed by our top juniors, it could change the game as we knew it 🙂 If Federer or Kyrgios or Nadal started using some of these phrases, they would catch on immediately.