Tennis Prose



Maria Sharapova Dominates Rafa in Rome Practice


By Scoop Malinowski

Maria Sharapova has declared her revival this week in Rome, crunching Ashleigh Barty in three sets but more impressively she administered a beatdown to Rafa Nadal on the practice court.

Sharapova shared an Instagram video of her playing one, presumably winner take all point, against the “King of Clay” and after a long, brutal, fiercely contested rally, Sharapova began to show her superiority by manipulating the 31-year-old around the court.

In the near thirty second exchange, Sharapova set up the winning combination by blasting a forehand cross court to the vaunted Nadal backhand which he answered with a neutral reply down the middle and deep but the tenacious Russian was all over the shot and blasted a forehand into the Nadal forehand corner.

A desperate Rafa furiously raced after the penetrating attack shot but could not fully control it, launching an errant return which flew well beyond the boundary line both wide and long.

Sharapova proved once again, the female gender has a distinct superiority over male counterparts on the tennis court. The former Queen of Clay and Roland Garros raised her arms aloft like Muhammad Ali after destroying George Foreman, as a beleaguered Nadal lowered his head in stunned silence and a wry smile of acute bewilderment.

Book and movie rights of this latest Battle of the Sexes are currently being negotiated, with Lou Diamond Phillips and Karlie Kloss rumored to play the starring roles.

Sharapova will face bitter rival and critic Dominika Cibulkova in the second round.

Nadal is considering replacing his entire team and re-hiring Uncle Toni after this setback to Sharapova. He also just bought a 49% stake into Sugarpova.

(Note: This article is a parody.)


Little Maria Sharapova

Maria with Marcelo Rios at Bollettieri Academy in 1998.

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  • Scoop Malinowski · May 17, 2018 at 3:26 pm

    Hartt, if it was said to Abanda so what? Not sure I believe her anyway. Sounds like BS like Donald Young. Does she want a million dollars in reparations for her suffering? A Jewish guy mocked my Polish ancestry by telling a Polish joke one night at the doubles group indoors years ago. He may or may not have known I am Polish. I didn’t give a damn about the offensive joke and it didn’t bother me at all and I never thought of it till this minute actually. It just made me detest the asshole. Imagine if I made a joke about Jews or Jewish stereotypes? Double standards. Then a few years later Mr. Jew asked me to play a set of singles at our club and I won 5-0 (he quit) then he complained about his eyes from an eye doctor appointment. Typical weasel excuses. He challenged me. Felt good enough to challenge me then when he lost he had excuses about his eyes. I never complained to anyone about the Jewish guy showing racism against my Polish ancestry, because I guess I’m tough and not a whiner, complainer trying to be a victim. Be TOUGH.

  • Duke Carnoustie · May 17, 2018 at 7:19 pm

    Scoop I am tired of these whining losers like everyone else but I think Abanda is just a young kid who made a mistake. Not like accused Genie of racism or some D-Young nonsense.

    I think it’s possible that she is using this fake racism angle to motivate herself to go further. It is a bit distasteful but I see nothing wrong with that.

    I do agree that there isn’t a shred racism in tennis. I was at the U.S Open match in which a majority-white crowd was rooting for Monfils over Isner. That about sums it up. If anything, black players get the benefit of the doubt.

    Serena and Venus are the best examples. How many Slams have they won? Now Sloane Stephens is a champ too. Certainly their race has prevented them from reaching the pinnacle of the sport. Heck women have been getting pregnant on tour all the time but now that Serena had a baby, the rules may change as far as seeding. Serena has been hailed for having a baby. I mean is she the first woman ever to do that? That Serena gets treated with reverence for having a baby tells me that racism doesn’t exist in tennis.

  • Scoop Malinowski · May 17, 2018 at 10:49 pm

    Duke, the media set the tone in North America for blacks to always blame whites for just about everything. It’s a sickening cycle. The kid Abanda probably doesn’t know any better and it’s not her fault, she’s been manipulated/brainwashed by the media to play the victim card. Hopefully Trump winning and more black conservatives coming out of the woodwork like Kanye West and Candace Owens will help fix this problem.

  • Scoop Malinowski · May 17, 2018 at 11:07 pm

    Sock is losing early in doubles now too, even his doubles results are slipping.

  • Duke Carnoustie · May 18, 2018 at 6:31 pm

    Scoop you are right, black people are starting to wise up

  • Scoop Malinowski · May 18, 2018 at 9:02 pm

    Duke, the left only likes blacks for their votes. The way the left and media treats black conservatives is appalling and disgusting.

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