By Scoop Malinowski
Tennis is known for it’s whimsical characters, after all it takes a unique person to devote hours, months and in some cases years of our lives to chasing and bopping a little yellow ball.
One of the more eccentric characters I’ve ever encountered is Dan Weil. He’s a good friend and a good player too. Of course he’s lefty, he sort of plays like Michael Llodra, the net rushing Frenchman.
But what most stands out about Dan are is Danweilisms… the sayings and phrases he uses during play.
If you hit a ball beyond the line, Dan will remark, “Out of boundaries!”
Or: “Beyond the affixed white caulking.”
Before the beginning of a point, Dan will announce: “Competition shall commence upon the first ball struck!”
Or: “Competition shall commence upon the first ball to land within the demarcated boundaries!”
Sometimes Dan can go Rambo too: “Let’s get ready to rumble!”
If there’s a let, leave it to Dan to clarify the situation: “First service attempt shall be forthcoming!”
Oh, and after a sloppy unforced error, Dan doesn’t use the typical expression of frustration, he has his own unique supply of words to convey his disgust. Like, instead of dropping the all-too-convenient F-bomb, Dan will shout: “Fiddle faddle!”
“Fiddle sticks!”
“Fudge nut ripple!”
“Farfrignuggen!”
“Shuttlecock!”
“Oopsie!”
But once in a while Dan’ll slip like the rest of us hacking mediocrities: “Oh shit!”
“That’s a winner!”
That’s not all. Dan has one more new phrase he’s getting ready for his rotation, soon to be deployed in honor of Tommy Haas/Chris Fowler: “Nein Tommy!!”
Ah Dan Weil, the one and only Dan Weil. The man who once played a pro-am drill with Ivan Lendl and while at the net had to repel an onslaught of volleys targeted precisely at his left hip by Lendl. When Dan questioned why so many balls were going exactly to the awkward area, Lendl responded, “You’re lucky I’m not hitting them to your left something else.”
ron green · March 6, 2012 at 5:45 pm
well done
RIP · March 7, 2012 at 1:02 am
Have had the pleasure of playing with the legendary Dan Weil many times – including doubles against the famed Scoop/Harvey Fialkov (noted Sun-Sentinel sports columnist) tandem in Delray Beach last year – and he is without question one of the funniest people have ever played with. One quick Dan story: he was playing in a doubles pro-am with his tennis hero, John McEnroe, when Dan double faulted on the first point and confided to Johnny Mac “My sphincter is tight” quoting an old Charles Barkley line about being very nervous.
“Well then take a shit!” McEnroe replied.
“I just did. That was my serve,” Dan said.